u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
