Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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