It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize