She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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