I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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