she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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