woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
