I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
As shirtless as possible
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
