I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
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you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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