I faked an abortion last night.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
