wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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