I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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