Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
