do herpes really smell.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
