he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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