Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my being single is dangerous.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
