So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
