i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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