He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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