hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
