i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
