So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
