Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
