Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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