Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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