I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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