We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
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You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
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No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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