We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
