Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
