Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
