I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
