Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
