My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
