you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
