My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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