this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
