Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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