More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
