..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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