Three words: puerto rican gang bang
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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