Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
