so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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