I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
