I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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