You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize