things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
