now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
