wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
