508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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