I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
