Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
no, he came in my armpit
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
