Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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