If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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