she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
