I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
