I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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