If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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