I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize