Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
