I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
