my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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