..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
