her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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