I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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