My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
